Tristan Gibbs

Married into money at an early age and briefly tasted high life but was not favoured by divorce settlement (still embittered). Put myself through college tap-dancing. Moved to US to fulfil dream of winning an award (any award) – eventually won award for slowest skier (v. proud).  Fell foul of strict incest laws in Utah (had married 34^th cousin, 5 times removed) so fled by sea to Zanzibar. Worked as stablehand on an Alpaca farm. Retired to the leafy backwoods of Perth, attracted by electromagnetic emanations of the local community radio.